Everybody has things in their past that they’re not proud of, or are downright ashamed of; the way we’ve behaved, treated other people, treated ourselves. Maybe you’re just starting your journey of Awakening, or maybe you’ve been on it for quite some time. Either way it’s important to know that even if you’ve been learning, transforming, and authentically doing the work on yourself for awhile now, you’re still going to screw up.
You’re human and you have conditioned behavioral patterns that like to rear their ugly heads when triggered. So you’re bound to fall back into old, ugly patterns on your path to awakening and healing yourself. The road to awakening isn’t about never making another mistake ever again. It’s about what to do when you do slip up and make a mistake. Here are three main things you need to understand, integrate, and follow through with when you do make those inevitable mistakes on your path to healing them.
1. STOP MAKING EXCUSES
First thing’s first. Stop making excuses for your mess-ups. “Well it was because the day got away from me. I was tired. I forgot. Your tone of voice made me lose it. The other guy cut me off and that’s why I got road rage. The cookies were offered to me and I couldn’t help but eat them.” etc. Stop making excuses for why you just ran an old pattern. Literally none of your less-than-loving patterns will ever heal and go away while you still make excuses for them. Not taking responsibility for your reactions and choices is an incredibly selfish behavior and it often reflects a lack of self love due to low self worth. These self-fulfilling distortions run for a reason. When you have low self worth for example, you will react to things in an ugly, unloving way to “prove” you’re not worthy. Not worthy of the relationship or partner to remain by your side; not worthy of the promotion; not worthy of a thriving business, or whatever. These patterns were created by you and continue to be run by you...period. Stop making excuses for them. It’s time to heal them and refuse to continue to live with them. They are a false sense of who you are and it’s time for them to stop running you and for you to take control of who you want to be instead.
WHAT TO DO: Take full responsibility for the mistake you just made. That means 100% ownership. Call it out and own it for exactly what it is: an ugly pattern. YOU ARE NOT YOUR PATTERNS. It’s not YOU that’s ugly, it’s the behavior. So begin the healing process by realizing that you are not your patterns, but you are the one who chooses to allow these patterns to continue running. So own the pattern that is no one else’s but yours. Process through it. Forgive yourself for running it. Then genuinely apologize to the person you bulldozed over with this pattern. Make it right. You can heal the hurt you caused in them by owning it fully and apologizing to them for hurting them with your ugly pattern. Avoiding this part and acting like nothing ever happened will slowly chip away at your relationships with others. They will not feel safe with you emotionally, which is how emotional trust is built or destroyed over time. You are doing a lot of harm to your partner, friend, or family member when you don’t call yourself out, own your shit, and apologize for your hurtful patterns. When you’ve taken something out on them, they deserve for you to atone for that.
2. STOP BLAMING OTHERS
Secondly, stop blaming others for your mistakes, unloving choices, and ugly patterns. It’s no one else’s fault. It’s not the other person who makes you angry and forces you to yell, criticize or lash out. It’s not the stress of the job, your kids, or your busy schedule. It’s not the situation you’re in or the lack of money you have. It’s you. You are the one who chooses to show up as you’re showing up in stressful, difficult, or downright shitty situations. The Universe has a funny way of offering you really challenging situations so you can realize how you’ve been showing up in this world. Two people can be facing absolute scarcity and one surrenders and is very loving and peaceful; the calm stillness in the center of the tornado. The other is angry, impatient, nasty, instigates fights, and blames all of these behaviors on the fact that he’s poor right now. “Oh and if I just had enough wealth I wouldn’t be this way.” WRONG. The Universe is showing you exactly how you are and is giving you the chance to heal and transform these things while going through this life test. If you keep showing up as the ugly, unloving you the test will continue.
WHAT TO DO: Process your emotions as they arise. Feel where they’re showing up in your body, sit with them, love the discomfort (the anxiety, the anger, the frustration, the fear) and continue to just love these emotions while they’re there. This emotional pain is showing up because an aspect of you that went through an emotional trauma when you were young, and you never got the love and nurturing you needed at that time. So these old, unhealed pains are being shown to you through your life experiences so you’ll stop, notice them (no longer ignore them), and offer these uncomfortable emotions the time, attention, nurturing and love that they needed many years ago when they first got created.
It’s time for you to heal the shadow part of you that hasn’t learned how to handle adversity gracefully, and this life test will no longer be needed. You’ve now passed it so it will go away and not be a part of your life experience anymore. As long as you continue to blame another or the situation for your actions and reactions to things, you are failing the life test. Get the help and support you need from an expert who can hold your hand and help you gracefully receive an A+ and finally pass this test.
3. DO THE WORK
Buckle down and do the work. And I mean the REAL WORK. Showing up to a retreat, hiring a coach, or taking online seminars doesn’t mean shit if you’re not doing your homework to integrate the teachings, skills, and tools. That’s how transformation occurs. Transformation is created by 1. your willingness to learn and 2. devotion to integrate that knowledge so it becomes Wisdom.
It’s not beneficial to do the first two steps above only to repeat them over and over and over again for years to come. Ending the excuse-making, owning your reactionary patterns, apologizing/making it right, only matters if you’re simultaneously healing and doing the work to transform those ugly patterns.
Whether it’s healing and integrating your wounded inner child, learning how to love yourself, healing your painbody, learning how to actively listen and incorporate positive relationships skills, or anything else. Whatever those things are for you, do them. Remember step 1: No Excuses? That applies here. Every human being on this planet has acquired ugly, unloving patterns that affect certain aspects of their lives and their relationships. This is part of the human experience. But do you know what else is also part of the human experience? Doing the work to heal and transform these traumas and patterns so you can realize and step into your True Self. The power of love and all aspects of love, (peace, forgiveness, patience, nurturing support, joy, abundance, etc), are within you. These things just get covered up from being able to shine through you by fears, self-fulfilling distortions, stress, anxiety, road rage, blame, frustration, anger, shame, or whatever else you’ve learned to show up as. How you show up to difficult, painful or crappy life situations are conditioned patterns that stem from roots filled with unhealed traumas and low self worth. That’s who you’ve learned to show up as. But that’s not the Real You. The Real You, your True Self is a Divine Soul who chose to walk around in your current meat-suit to go
through many life experiences in order to realize what you truly are. Do you know why lying feels so bad? Because it’s not the real you. Do you know why cheating creates shame and feels bad? Because it’s not the real you. Do you know why fighting, blaming and yelling feels bad afterwards? Because this isn’t who you Truly are. It’s who you’re choosing to show up as and experience over and over and over again until you learn the lesson you’re supposed to learn from behaving that way. These experiences feel bad and cause emotional pain because those behaviors that have been conditioned in you and that you choose to continue to run are unloving ones. And you my friend were created from the pure energy of unconditional love. So when you’re not behaving as love, or vibrating on that love frequency, (by your choices, actions, and reactions) you’re going to feel the discomfort of being less than love. When you don’t show up for other people and situations as the Real You, the Divine You, the Being that is Love and only Love, you’re going to feel discomfort and even pain. This is because you are offering resistance to being the Love that you truly are. You are literally blocking your loving Soul from coming through to interact with the other person, handle the problem, or deal with a situation. The more you block your loving Soul from being in charge (instead of your unloving patterns being in charge), the more emotional pain it causes; not just for you but for the people around you. Simply put, anytime you offer resistance and block being the Love that is innately you, it’s going to “hurt”.
There are many ways to heal these patterns that you’ve acquired and that show up sometimes pretending to be you. But a quick fix or a wave of a magic wand isn’t going to transform and heal anything. Ignoring them or wishing them away won’t either. So stop wasting your time and energy on that stuff. You’re only on this planet but for so long. So make it count. Do the work. But don’t do it alone. We’re all on this weird journey called life together. Get REAL. Get vulnerable. Get your support tribe to help guide you through the darkness so you can shift into the light. Do it and do it now. No more excuses. No more blaming others. This is why I’ve worked so hard at creating The Masters of Self. So no one is left alone in the dark without the guidance and support to heal your pain and become the master of your Self that you’re meant to become. Hopefully you’ll become a member today and I’ll see you at the next live seminar or group coaching session. And bring along five of your closest loved ones. Healing together is a powerful form of love.
With love and support,
The Masters of Self